What will you choose:
> Jealousy
> Change
> Codependency

As long as I can remember,
the two of us stand together,
hand in hand,
basked in light.
Through shade or sun,
darkness or light,
despair or joy,
one thing never changed:
always,
the two of us,
side by side.

But things do not stay the same.

You moved on ahead of me.
The light has shifted
from us to you.
You are far ahead.
Your smile is lit up,
you are glowing,
you are radiant.
You look back at me,
unaware
that I stand in the shadows,
hand outstretched,
left behind.

And I remember that you do not belong with me.
And I remember that you cannot be made happy by my hand.
And I remember that I do not know all of you.

Don’t leave me, I want to say,
Don’t abandon me, I want to say,
Don’t forget me, I want to say.

I am happy for you. I am.
(Am I?)
(Why then do my eyes only see the shadows that surround me, thick as grief?)

The old harsh voice is back.
I hate myself for seeing only the shadows.
I hate myself for wanting things to stay the same, forever.
I hate myself for wanting you.
(Again? When will I learn?)

It is time to return to my roots.
Remember.

I have lost a light.
But I have not lost you.
I have lost a light.
But a new light will be found.
I have lost a light.
But maybe it is time for me to create my own.

Indomitable.

一徹 [ いってつ] 。 
Adjectival noun. 
Tenacious, undaunted, indomitable.

When your mask is ripped away,
when your threatened heart is exposed,
when your arm is raised to punish–
he shakes you into sense,
and he pushes you forward.

When he stumbles and falls into doubt,
when he cannot lift his head,
when he is standing still,
your hand is at his back,
and you drive him into motion.

You strive with him,
you strive against him,
to be first, to be best.
Together, you are indomitable;
together, you can conquer the world.

Expanse.

You were the star on the court.
The powerful burning ace,
the figure who inspires faith in your allies.
The view above the net is cloudless, glittering, endless expanse.
Strength and vitality beat through your body like blood.
Faith and joy burn like offerings in your heart.
Your body is an altar, your god the sport.

But a tall wall rose before you.
You jump.
And
you
fall.

Here is the story no one tells you.
Our minds are riddled with worms and rot.
All of a sudden –
everything
is
rewritten.

That beloved, sacred, untouchable place turns alien and terrifying.
You turn.
You look at the net.
Where you once saw endless expansive sky, now you see a wall.
It stretches further than the eye can see.

It cannot be scaled.

Your blood turns to fear.
Your heart turns into a pyre.
All that you have to offer is fear, terror, and defeat.
You recognize nothing.
You can do nothing.
You are mired and paralyzed
by your own mind.

The sunshine boy comes along.
He is earnest and clumsy and lionhearted and bright as the sun.
He is passion embodied.

Your head lifts from the terror and exhaustion.

How could you forget these simple things?
The heft of the ball?
That bright burning wonder?
The spark and spirit that fuelled you?
Your teammates beside you? The guardian figure behind you?
The insistent presence of the here and now?

How could you forget hope?

You are at the net again.
You look.
The wall is there.
It may be there forever.
But this time –
you offer with calm hands your whole self.

And
the wall doesn’t disappear
but you –
you can see around it.
And the fear falls away
and your mind’s eye
opens up again.

Remember.

You grew from fertile soil
blooming, voracious, unchecked
your thirst was endless –
the sun your target; the world your kingdom.

But this is not a story of boundless growth.
You discovered your limits –
you are not a genius.

What is the sum of Oikawa Tooru?
What is the will of Oikawa Tooru?
What is the strength of Oikawa Tooru?
Quicksilver wits, ferocious ambition, reckless perseverance.

But —
it is not enough.
Fertile soil turns infertile;
thirst turns into drought;
the kingdom turns into inconquerable expanse.
You are smothered and denied.

You wither.

But –
Remember your roots?
Remember your strength?
Remember your self?

You’re still growing.
And talent –
is something
you make
bloom.