Oikawa Tooru [及川徹]

n. Person. Setter. Student. Third year. Captain. Senior. Grand King. Trashykawa. Uncle. Brother. Teammate.

1. A disgusting personality, Iwaizumi mutters, irate as a glare, watching Oikawa flirt outrageously, leaving a ripple of giggles and whispers and blushes in his wake. Boys and girls alike are treated extravagantly to his twinkling eyes, his casual peace signs, and his flippant tone. To Iwaizumi: condescending ‘Iwa-chan~’s, blithe and patronizing ‘are you my mom?’s, and endless needling and mocking and teasing.

2. A reckless overworker, obsessive and fixated. The sole player who wears a supporter for his poor, abused, often-strained knee, the sole player who stays late late late, practicing to exhaustion and rewatching plays till sleeplessness. Perhaps pushing his body to its extremes will finally prove something: that he will bloom, that he will build a bridge across the chasm between ‘skilled’ and ‘genius’, that he will grasp and touch the ever-turned back of Ushijima Wakatoshi, that he will at last be enough.

3. A heart that is missing and a mouth that lies, glib and silvertongued and adept at deceiving everyone and himself. He is always restless, wandering, and ambitious. His clever and agile mind works and works and works without rest, body and mind aspiring and conspiring to grab and hold and keep all that his pride desires. But where is Oikawa Tooru’s heart?

3.1 Found near Iwaizumi. Perhaps for Oikawa the wanderer and sailor, Iwaizumi is his unshakeable lighthouse, his immovable Polaris, and his deep and immeasurable roots. Perhaps for Oikawa the confident and untouchable, his heart appears in the startled and vulnerable moments when Iwaizumi is cursing, damn it, Oikawa! Don’t say he is better than you! because Oikawa should never be doubting and defeated. Perhaps for Oikawa the narrator who spins falsehood upon falsehood, his heart lies in the years-old storied history of Oikawa-and-Iwaizumi.

3.2 One half of a pair. Perhaps Oikawa Tooru’s heart is the heart that Iwaizumi carries within his own. Perhaps his heart is the heart that finds a home in the gruff ‘don’t stay up too late’ and the exasperated ‘your personality is really the worst’. Perhaps his heart is the heart that delights in Iwaizumi’s care-taking of him. Perhaps his heart is the heart that knows Iwaizumi is home and spur and rest and ache and shield all at once. Perhaps his heart is found not quite within, but without. For Oikawa, chronically dissatisfied, flippant, vulnerable, and obsessive, Iwaizumi is the one with whom he is forever dauntless and indomitable, restful and known, and, at last, enough.

Coming home.

The curve of his body is a home.

When he pulls you close into a hug
you hide there,
you rest there,
you seek solace there.

He is hard muscle and soft skin.
Your hands cross and clutch a back that is broad and solid,
the arms around you are steady and firm,
and warmth radiates from his body like steam.
His shirt is soft and worn as any beloved blanket,
the scent of him is familiar and comforting,
and his breath is soft against your temple.

You close your eyes
and you rest
and you are finally home.

Indomitable.

一徹 [ いってつ] 。 
Adjectival noun. 
Tenacious, undaunted, indomitable.

When your mask is ripped away,
when your threatened heart is exposed,
when your arm is raised to punish–
he shakes you into sense,
and he pushes you forward.

When he stumbles and falls into doubt,
when he cannot lift his head,
when he is standing still,
your hand is at his back,
and you drive him into motion.

You strive with him,
you strive against him,
to be first, to be best.
Together, you are indomitable;
together, you can conquer the world.

Expanse.

You were the star on the court.
The powerful burning ace,
the figure who inspires faith in your allies.
The view above the net is cloudless, glittering, endless expanse.
Strength and vitality beat through your body like blood.
Faith and joy burn like offerings in your heart.
Your body is an altar, your god the sport.

But a tall wall rose before you.
You jump.
And
you
fall.

Here is the story no one tells you.
Our minds are riddled with worms and rot.
All of a sudden –
everything
is
rewritten.

That beloved, sacred, untouchable place turns alien and terrifying.
You turn.
You look at the net.
Where you once saw endless expansive sky, now you see a wall.
It stretches further than the eye can see.

It cannot be scaled.

Your blood turns to fear.
Your heart turns into a pyre.
All that you have to offer is fear, terror, and defeat.
You recognize nothing.
You can do nothing.
You are mired and paralyzed
by your own mind.

The sunshine boy comes along.
He is earnest and clumsy and lionhearted and bright as the sun.
He is passion embodied.

Your head lifts from the terror and exhaustion.

How could you forget these simple things?
The heft of the ball?
That bright burning wonder?
The spark and spirit that fuelled you?
Your teammates beside you? The guardian figure behind you?
The insistent presence of the here and now?

How could you forget hope?

You are at the net again.
You look.
The wall is there.
It may be there forever.
But this time –
you offer with calm hands your whole self.

And
the wall doesn’t disappear
but you –
you can see around it.
And the fear falls away
and your mind’s eye
opens up again.

Remember.

You grew from fertile soil
blooming, voracious, unchecked
your thirst was endless –
the sun your target; the world your kingdom.

But this is not a story of boundless growth.
You discovered your limits –
you are not a genius.

What is the sum of Oikawa Tooru?
What is the will of Oikawa Tooru?
What is the strength of Oikawa Tooru?
Quicksilver wits, ferocious ambition, reckless perseverance.

But —
it is not enough.
Fertile soil turns infertile;
thirst turns into drought;
the kingdom turns into inconquerable expanse.
You are smothered and denied.

You wither.

But –
Remember your roots?
Remember your strength?
Remember your self?

You’re still growing.
And talent –
is something
you make
bloom.